Don't fall in love, Stand while you are in there.

A modern crash course about the game called love.

The mistake most people make in their teenage years is giving their hearts to a lady who doesn't even consider them worthy of their time. For crying out loud, isn't it foolish to give your heart to a soul who doesn't even care about your emotions?.

I myself was once a victim of this calamity and was one for quite a while. But thank God I got off its invisible hinges before I was 40, else some of you might be referring to my love tale now as a fool at 40. I will tell you a story so you don't have to learn the hard way. My Dad used to ask me, what's the best way to learn in life?

Is it through your own mistakes?

Is it through the mistakes of others?

Or better still through your series of repeated mistakes?

Or from the experiences of others?

It's actually at your discretion to adopt the best one for you.

I will now tell you my story of unrequited love which started unabashedly when I just started my college years in Victory group of Schools, Ughelli. It all started when I saw this beautiful lady called Faith Angelou (nom de guerre) in my JS1.

I remembered in late 2007 when I just started my secondary education. When I entered the class I noticed this unusually fair skinned girl sitting at the front desk in class and she was so friendly and accommodating. In fact she was a friend to everyone. As the days rolled into weeks, we got magneted to each like glue to paper. This was only possible because we found genuine interest in each other as we both enjoyed voracious reading and consumption of books as our favourite pastime.

Towards the end of the third term, me, being highly and lofty in a utopian state suddenly grew wings and decided to make known to her my infatuation. But I never possessed enough courage to do so. But my mates in VGS then gingered me and informed me that she was utterly smitten by my personality and irresistible charm as a guy. Can you imagine me at the age of 12 getting lost in the wilderness of infatuation? Have you been there?, Because if you have you will absolutely understand what I am trying to communicate here.

To make matters worse, I used to frequent their shop where her mom sells clothing materials of all kinds and even their family house located in Makolomi Street where I most times see her washing plates dutifully at the back. That's our meeting point, cause we never entered the house together. Or better still she never gave me the privilege of entering her parents sanctum.

I remembered on one of my many missionary journeys to our classmates house, that stays in that axis called Jobs, who told me about his sexual escapade and tales with his girlfriend while they were in primary school called Stephanie. How he finished her bedmatically in various positions. The prospect of this anticipation excited me so much that I decided to write a letter to her. It was up to four pages long and I put it in the middle of a novel called VIOLENCE by FESTUS IYAYI and after much perusal, reading and proofreading of it and persuasion from my friends I handed it over to her. Fortunately for me, she stumbled on my epistle while she was going through the novel I borrowed from her and the next day in school all hell broke loose.

She ranted and chanted at me about my looseness and lack of focus at that age. She reprimanded me mercilessly and told me to read my books squarely and not chase after mirages called ladies. She made it crystal clear by saying, “I will never date you Efe, because I don't want anything that will destroy my glorious Destiny”. Honestly, I was taken aback by her cutting utterances, and the flame of infatuation I nursed in my heart for her was temporarily extinguished. However this couldn't put perpetually to rest the feeling I had for her. The love I had for her back then was as strong as death.

I kept on chasing her but it was still sadly a NO. All my efforts were like pouring water on a duck's back, as it was all futile and wasted. I remembered when we were writing our Junior WAEC, I sat beside her since we were both bearing U in our surnames. Being beside her for that one week of the exam kept me in a constant emotional frenzy and my emotions were perpetually high. I just couldn't hold myself back as I displayed to her in emotionally outrageous ways how much my heart beats for her. She complained bitterly about my unwarranted behavior to the supervisors, but I never gave a damn. For me I have been given a once in a lifetime privilege to display to her the invisible contents of my heart. All this unfortunately yielded no positive fruit.

When we were close to finishing the exam, we were informed about a scholarship opportunity which I took for granted but that she maximized.

When we resumed SS1 the next session, it was all joy to behold her angelic face again. However the terrific news was shared that she won't be resuming the second term with us and the bones and ligaments in my heart caved in. I couldn't believe my eyes and prayed everyday that such a day would never come.

I remembered sometime ago while I was in JSS, I couldn't eat one evening because my feelings of love for her were unrequited and none of my siblings knew that since I was the eldest.

However, the day I dreaded so much came and she left the shores of my hometown Ughelli for the Federal Government Academy [F.G.A] in the ultra modern metropolitan city of Abuja. When I heard of it, I felt like my heart had been daggered with a searing instrument. I cried buckets full of tears and blood for days unend, until there were no tears left inside of me to pull out even against my own will. The bed was the modern languishing of my finite soul. I thought I couldn't live, survive or even breathe without her. Alas, the rain has beaten me and I am forever caged up in the valley called infatuation. Who will be so merciful enough now to disengage me from her virile hands called death? I considered the blessedness of death in hades much better than the piercing arrows that accompany her fleeting presence.

Once she comes home for holidays during the long vac, am at her favourite dish washing corner seeking for her often fleeting attention. She has since become a celebrity in my enclave, known as “ the lady who won a scholarship to F.G.A, Abuja”. I had to grapple and grasp for her attention like horses grasping for fleeting hales.

Moving forward, after our secondary education, our school hosted a program for the outgoing seniors (that's those who just completed their WAEC exams) and behold the very one who makes my heart flutter shows up unannounced and simply out of the blue. I lost it temporarily in her presence and I began to misbehave. After she finished talking, I approached her and revealed the content of my heart to her and she shouted and embarrassed me before everyone without an iota of remorse. I couldn't move my feet from where I stood. It was like I was glued to the spot and lost my sense of speech until my friends came to my rescue with these powerful words, “she's just being a lady acting hard to get, just let her be for now.” And that's when I summoned up courage and with the help of my friends picked up the pieces of me that were still available and painfully left the stage. We went to one of the classrooms and he(TEDE) told me that I should forget her since she obviously isn't into me at all. And I was like, “but Bro I love this babe and you know that”, but he insisted I move on.

Thereafter we went to my friend's mother's house where we organized a big lunch of toasted bread with a lot of fluffy eggs and enough veggies. We ate this and washed it down with a mortuary standard of Coca Cola. After which we began talking and I told him(Mamus) about how I met her, grew fond of her and fell for her. He told me, “guy, it's absolutely normal for guys our age to fall in love and desire to go out with a beautiful lady like her.” “But guy, you try yo ooo, I no fit de patient like that ooo.” And for the record guys, I wooed this lady in question for more than twelve years. Can you imagine wasting twelve years of your life chasing a woman, honestly guys, is it really worth it?, please, let's be honest and call a spade a spade.

Many young people like myself have spent the greater part of their youthful days chasing shadows by pursuing after a lady with the wick of hope that if she doesn't look at me now, she will definitely look in my direction in a few years time, and to their uttermost shock, the year runs into years, and she is still not interested in whatever they are offering in the relationship and they are stuck in time, while their friends move on with their lives because of the fantasy that one day she will give me a chance if am just patient enough. By doing so, a couple of us have wasted the precious life we were gifted at creation unknowingly. Don't be caught in the realm called, “I know she will give me a chance if I am just patient enough.” Oga, come on dust up your trousers, and move on to the next lady that will cherish and love you incredibly for the man you are, instead of fantasizing about a lady who doesn't even care if you exist in the first place.

When I gained admission into the university to study for a degree in Law, she was still the commander in chief of the chambers of my heart. This was because I haven't met someone that could measure up to her in brilliance. But fortunately for me in my Sophomore year, I met a lady that ripped off her invisible cord entangling my heart and we started dating and that was the key to my exodus from her powerful loving clutches and alas!!! I moved on. However, once in a blue her thought just zabs in and unsettles my already weary heart. This new one I just met was a baggage of infirmities but I won't bore you with the details, maybe in another work or better still in the next life.

Moving on is usually the most difficult and heartbreaking part in a relationship, but believe me once you can, you will definitely heal, though it's easier to say than to engage.

Honestly, one of the most painful and unforgettable feelings in the world, is to love and desire a person so much and yet he or she doesn't even care if you exist. Strong feelings of unrequited love can cause you intense psychological pain and partial insanity; this can make you lost in the trap of rejection. If you have never been there, you may think it's not true. I have been at that junction in life, not once, not twice but quite a lot of times and that feeling almost broke my resolve from further going into a relationship to find my better half. However I have divinely stumbled upon her now despite all the hackles I have suffered from in the past.

The most funny thing about life is that love is often found in the most unlikely places.

However, do yourself a favor, heal before entering the next relationship, so you won't be a can of worms opened with the intent to send your partner to everlasting torments.

You are officially permitted to love but always remember to do so with your senses intact. Nobody is all knowing in this game called love and as long as we leave, there will always be a need for us to learn. Once again love with your senses and not with your heart. I say this because loving from the heart blinds you to glaring weaknesses and vulnerable realities in life and in most times may have devastating consequences.

Finally, to whom love is given, sense is expected also.

Chiaoooo, catch you in our next publication, Gracias….